1
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:06,984
♪ Thank you for being a friend
2
00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:09,541
♪ Traveled down the
road and back again
3
00:00:11,012 --> 00:00:12,456
♪ Your heart is true
4
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:16,414
♪ You're a pal and a confidante
5
00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:20,463
♪ And if you threw a party
6
00:00:20,487 --> 00:00:24,089
♪ Invited everyone you knew
7
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:27,604
♪ You would see
8
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:30,273
♪ The biggest gift
would be from me
9
00:00:30,297 --> 00:00:32,209
♪ And the card
attached would say
10
00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:37,836
♪ "Thank you for
being a friend" ♪
11
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:04,107
This was a lovely afternoon.
12
00:01:04,131 --> 00:01:07,510
Oh, I'll say. I just love
the legitimate theater.
13
00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:10,347
You know, I missed Mr. Lee J.
Cobb in Death of a Salesman.
14
00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:13,250
I missed Mr. Marlon Brando
in Streetcar Named Desire.
15
00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:18,321
Well, I was damned if I was gonna
miss Mr. Dick Butkus in Pal Joey.
16
00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:20,890
And there's a brand-new
water heater in the garage
17
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,460
and wall-to-wall carpeting
in all the bedrooms.
18
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:26,564
Ma, what the hell are you
doing? Selling the house.
19
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:31,201
And that's a working fireplace,
and with these cathedral ceilings,
20
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,769
you could stack 50
VCRs if you wanted to.
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00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:35,838
So, you think it over,
22
00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:38,174
and if you're
interested, give us a call.
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00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:40,677
I make offer now.
24
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:43,301
If you like, you call me.
25
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:49,586
Sophia, honey, you
can't just sell my house.
26
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:53,123
Is this in dollars? No,
it's in cucumber rolls.
27
00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:54,891
Of course it's in dollars.
28
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,927
Sophia, what's this all about?
29
00:01:56,951 --> 00:02:00,230
You tell me. I'm not the one who
put the for-sale sign on our front lawn.
30
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:01,920
What?
31
00:02:03,423 --> 00:02:05,334
Oh, damn!
32
00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:08,204
Those Donaldson boys
must have moved that sign
33
00:02:08,228 --> 00:02:11,108
from the MacKenzies' front
lawn and stuck it on ours.
34
00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:12,909
Then this is all a mistake.
35
00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:16,479
Yeah, but this sure isn't.
36
00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:18,469
Oh.
37
00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:23,119
Blanche, what do you mean?
38
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:26,690
Would you seriously
consider selling the house?
39
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:30,193
Well, no. I mean,
I don't think so.
40
00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:33,563
You have to admit this
is an awful lot of money.
41
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:36,099
Frankly, more than I
think the house is worth.
42
00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:39,436
And as your agent,
three percent of it is mine.
43
00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:42,405
What do you say, Blanchey?
Do we close the deal?
44
00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:45,008
Oh, I just don't know.
This is all so sudden.
45
00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:47,010
There's so many
things to consider.
46
00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:50,246
Oh, look, Blanche, if you're
worried about us, don't be.
47
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:52,281
I mean, just because
you're selling the house
48
00:02:52,305 --> 00:02:55,552
doesn't mean that we can't
all find another place together.
49
00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,253
Oh, I wasn't worried about you.
50
00:02:57,277 --> 00:03:00,845
I was worried about the tax
consequences of all this extra income.
51
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:07,197
I'm kidding. Oh, I love
you. You're my family.
52
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:09,900
Listen, we're sticking together
no matter what happens.
53
00:03:09,924 --> 00:03:11,901
I don't know. It might
be hard to find a place
54
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:14,304
as perfect as this
was for the four of us.
55
00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:16,606
Oh, hell, if we did it
once, we can do it again.
56
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,274
All we need is a little luck.
57
00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:22,078
It was luck that brought
us together the first time.
58
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:24,981
I will never forget when
I first put up that notice
59
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:28,339
at the supermarket. Remember?
60
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,627
Are you OK? Oh, I'm fine.
61
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:40,163
Oh, I know exactly what
you're going through.
62
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,299
I can read it in
your face. You can?
63
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:45,568
Oh, sure. Your husband or
your boyfriend dumped you.
64
00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:47,303
Honey, don't let
it get you down.
65
00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,105
It's just the nature
of the beast.
66
00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:52,542
They'd do it in the
mud if they had to.
67
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,444
You just go sleep
with his best friend.
68
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:57,936
That'll even up the score.
69
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:03,074
Am I on Candid Camera?
70
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,723
You mean, you didn't get dumped?
71
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:09,592
Well, actually, I
did. By my landlord.
72
00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:11,494
He threw me out of my apartment,
73
00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:13,963
but I couldn't sleep
with his best friend.
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00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,865
He's over 80 years old
75
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:19,302
and thinks he's the
Archduke Ferdinand.
76
00:04:19,326 --> 00:04:21,103
Why did he throw you out?
77
00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:23,340
Well, the new owners of
the building don't allow cats
78
00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:25,241
and I'm not about to
part with Mr. Peepers.
79
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:28,812
Oh, I guess you two have
been through a lot together, huh?
80
00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:31,648
Yes. I found him last week.
81
00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:34,917
But I wouldn't feel right
having a home if he didn't.
82
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,920
We've become very attached.
83
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,055
You know what I think? That
shows great strength of character.
84
00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:42,459
I like you and I like cats. I also
happen to have a room for rent,
85
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,194
and the name is
Blanche Devereaux.
86
00:04:44,218 --> 00:04:47,819
Why would you name a
room Blanche Devereaux?
87
00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:52,301
Oh, it's been such a lovely day.
88
00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:57,073
Mr. Sunshine really gave us one
of his biggest and brightest smiles.
89
00:04:57,097 --> 00:05:00,143
Oh, I feel like putting my
arms around Mother Nature
90
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:03,680
and giving her a big kiss.
Hi, you must be Dorothy.
91
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:06,304
And you must be Mrs. Rogers.
92
00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:12,355
I didn't catch your name.
93
00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:14,958
I'm Rose Nylund,
your new roomie.
94
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,893
Blanche has told
me all about you.
95
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:20,830
Sorry your husband dumped you.
96
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:23,899
You can borrow my bubble
bath any time you want.
97
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:25,901
That'll help ease
the lonely nights.
98
00:05:25,925 --> 00:05:27,437
Thank you very much.
99
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:29,639
I see you two are
getting acquainted.
100
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,840
Yes, I'm just gonna
take my stuff to my room.
101
00:05:31,864 --> 00:05:34,577
It's the second on the
left down the hall there?
102
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:36,579
Dorothy, the second
on the left is mine.
103
00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:38,581
Blanche had promised it to me.
104
00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:41,217
Blanche promised it
to me too. Didn't you?
105
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:43,353
Whoops.
106
00:05:43,377 --> 00:05:46,156
Oh, great. Great.
107
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,524
What are we supposed to do now?
108
00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:51,360
Back in Minnesota, we'd
settle this kind of a dispute
109
00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:54,263
with some
good-natured logrolling.
110
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:56,922
Sorry, Rose. My
log is in the shop.
111
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:00,337
What do we do now? Toss a coin?
112
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:02,037
OK. All right.
113
00:06:02,061 --> 00:06:04,629
I'll take tails. OK.
114
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,811
Tails. You win.
115
00:06:08,835 --> 00:06:10,814
I'll make it up to you,
Dorothy, I promise.
116
00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:13,216
Listen, if there's ever a
night where you can't sleep,
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00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,641
I'll come to your room
and sing "Kum Ba Ya."
118
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:20,590
Rose, I don't know what to say.
119
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:23,292
Yes, I do.
120
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,450
Don't ever do that.
121
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:30,766
It just doesn't seem possible
that five years has gone by
122
00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:32,835
since we moved in together.
123
00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:36,672
It's gonna be rough if we
have to go our separate ways.
124
00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:40,143
We've all learned to depend
on each other so much.
125
00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:43,179
Especially Rose. What's
that supposed to mean?
126
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:45,248
Oh, honey, it just means
that sometimes you tend
127
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:48,118
to be a bit naive,
simple, childlike.
128
00:06:48,142 --> 00:06:51,120
She's calling you a moron. You don't
want to live with a woman like that.
129
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:53,590
Tell her to sell the house. Ma.
130
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,525
Oh, yeah? Well,
it just so happens
131
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:58,128
that there are a lot of things I
can do better than you guys.
132
00:06:58,152 --> 00:07:01,363
Name one. Can you
tighten a horn on a helmet?
133
00:07:01,387 --> 00:07:03,432
Smoke a herring in a pine log?
134
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:06,603
Check a bull for a hernia?
135
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:08,704
I guess the really
rough part is getting him
136
00:07:08,728 --> 00:07:12,163
to turn his head and cough.
137
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:16,880
Come on, Rose. Pick a
category we can compete in.
138
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:19,348
All right. What about
that dance marathon?
139
00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:21,351
Whose butt got
whopped that night?
140
00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:23,420
How did you know that Wally...
141
00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:26,422
Oh, you mean at the
actual dance marathon?
142
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,857
That's right.
143
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:30,993
Seems to me I showed you
two guys a thing or two that night.
144
00:07:31,017 --> 00:07:34,230
(♪ jazz)
145
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:37,066
Ladies and gentlemen,
our charity dance marathon
146
00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:40,069
is now entering
its seventh hour.
147
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:43,773
Let's give our contestants
a great big hand.
148
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,963
(applause)
149
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:50,880
Hi, girls. How are
you holding up?
150
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:53,316
Oh, fine. Just
doing fine. Terrific.
151
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:56,418
You know, this reminds me of
the big dance back in St. Olaf
152
00:07:56,442 --> 00:07:58,187
to kick off Pretzel Week.
153
00:07:58,211 --> 00:08:01,558
My Uncle Gunther, after the
great Beer Nut shortage of '29...
154
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,526
Foul! Foul! Send
the judge over here.
155
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:06,718
This woman is trying
to put us to sleep.
156
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:13,269
You're just exhausted and
you're trying to blame it on me.
157
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:17,106
Exhausted? I'll show
you who's exhausted.
158
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:21,578
Maestro, how about
something with a little octane?
159
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:24,747
OK, little lady. All
right, boys, take it away.
160
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:27,550
A one, two, a one,
two, three, four.
161
00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:29,741
(♪ "In The Mood")
162
00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:53,098
Out of my way, amateurs.
163
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:09,993
Blanche, do you mind if I
give it a try? (music stops)
164
00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:12,595
Oh, for heaven's sake, go on.
165
00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:14,697
No, Dave, I better
do this by myself.
166
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:17,122
You might get hurt.
167
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,305
Three, four.
168
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:24,996
(♪ "Sing, Sing, Sing")
169
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:06,883
Girls, I'm really worried.
170
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,851
Usually, by the time I've
finished a cheesecake,
171
00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:10,853
I can solve any problem
I'm trying to beat,
172
00:10:10,877 --> 00:10:12,689
This time I'm coming up empty.
173
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:15,980
Then why is the top
button on your skirt open?
174
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:19,429
I'm talking about
selling the house.
175
00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:21,698
I just don't know if
it's the right thing to do.
176
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:24,600
Well, honey, you don't
have to decide tonight.
177
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,903
You should take all
the time you need.
178
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:28,904
The point is,
179
00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:31,774
if you turn a nice buck
on this place today,
180
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:34,844
you can buy a bigger
and better place tomorrow.
181
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:37,380
But I'm not sure I want to go
right out and buy a new house.
182
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,915
Maybe I want to take
some time to travel first.
183
00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:42,184
I have relatives scattered
all over this country
184
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:43,987
I don't get to see very much.
185
00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:47,890
If it's relatives you want, you
should stay right here in Miami.
186
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:49,892
Howard Johnson's
does less business
187
00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:51,995
than this house
has over the years.
188
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,662
That is true.
189
00:10:53,686 --> 00:10:57,233
We've all had our share
of family showing up.
190
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,368
I think things are
going very nicely.
191
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:02,205
Save it, Ma. I am going to
tell Uncle Angelo the truth.
192
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:05,908
It's only for a couple of
hours more. Ma, I can't do it.
193
00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:07,509
I mean, pretending
we're married,
194
00:11:07,533 --> 00:11:09,846
acting as though nothing
happened, it's making me crazy.
195
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:12,447
It's time to take
my heart medicine.
196
00:11:12,471 --> 00:11:14,516
You need a glass of
water to take your pill?
197
00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:16,518
Not pills. I'll take
a shot of Scotch,
198
00:11:16,542 --> 00:11:19,455
12 years old, if you got it.
199
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:22,325
Uncle Angelo, I have
a confession to make.
200
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:26,929
Good. I get my Scotch,
we go in the closet.
201
00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:29,132
No, it's about Stan and me.
202
00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:31,567
You know something, Dorothy?
203
00:11:31,591 --> 00:11:34,537
On your wedding
day, Sophia told me
204
00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:37,339
she said your marriage
was never gonna last.
205
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:39,508
That made me very sad.
206
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:42,344
And now to see you
and Stan so happy
207
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:44,480
after all of these years,
208
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:47,838
it does an old man's heart good.
209
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,443
And so does that.
210
00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:55,591
Uncle Angelo...
211
00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:59,228
I'm so glad I disobeyed
the doctor's orders
212
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:04,400
and risked this long trip to see
the both of you so much in love.
213
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,957
Now, what were you saying?
214
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:11,128
Uncle Angelo, I wanted to say...
215
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,778
Well, don't just stand
there, Papa Bear.
216
00:12:15,802 --> 00:12:19,404
Come give Mama
Bear a big bear hug.
217
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:24,954
Can I get you another slice of
cake, Uncle Angelo? No, thank you.
218
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:28,591
I'll take a slice... darling.
No problem, sweetheart.
219
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,193
Hurry back, dumpling.
220
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:33,417
My feet have wings, barf bag.
221
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:42,037
Dorothy, please hang in
there a little while longer,
222
00:12:42,061 --> 00:12:44,741
and Angelo will be on a
plane headed for Brooklyn.
223
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:47,332
Wish I'd taken my raincoat.
224
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:54,517
Why are you two
dressed like that?
225
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:57,453
Well, these are our
costumes for the play, Dorothy.
226
00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,062
We were in the middle
of dress rehearsal
227
00:12:59,086 --> 00:13:00,856
when they told us all
to go home right away.
228
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,259
There's a hurricane
heading for Miami.
229
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:06,729
You know, I think I will
take a slice of cake... Hello.
230
00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:10,299
Uh, Uncle Angelo,
I'd like you to meet...
231
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:11,834
um... uh...
232
00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:15,404
I'm Sister Rose.
Piacere. Nice to meet you.
233
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:18,274
I'm Sister Blanche. Nice
to meet you, Sister Blanche.
234
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:24,379
We're here, uh,
collecting... lingerie...
235
00:13:24,403 --> 00:13:28,239
for needy sexy people.
236
00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:33,722
I just heard on TV
the airports are closed.
237
00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:35,280
There's a big hurricane
headed this way. They
238
00:13:35,304 --> 00:13:36,759
want everyone to stay
just where they are.
239
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:39,295
That means that we could
be trapped together for days!
240
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,452
Oh, Jesus!
241
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:49,272
Please protect us and watch
over us in this, our hour of need.
242
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:51,729
Amen.
243
00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:55,711
Ah, Lucy. Hi. Aunt Blanche.
244
00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:57,847
Get in here. I want
you to meet my friends.
245
00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:59,715
This is Sophia and
Dorothy and Rose.
246
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:03,319
Nice to meet you, Lucy.
Let me get a look at you, girl.
247
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:07,857
Mmm, terrific little figure,
gorgeous hair, perfect skin.
248
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:10,960
Just like looking in a mirror.
249
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:12,984
Get some Windex.
250
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:17,633
How was your trip?
Oh, it was wonderful.
251
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:22,070
I met a gorgeous, single
doctor on the plane.
252
00:14:22,094 --> 00:14:25,107
At 30,000 feet, she
picks up a doctor.
253
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:28,010
Now I see the
family resemblance.
254
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,313
In fact, I'm supposed to meet
him in a half-hour, if that's OK.
255
00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:34,016
But, darling, you just got here.
Aunt Blanche, you always said:
256
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,552
"If you've a stallion eating
oats outta your hand,
257
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:40,356
best close the gate before
you give him the sugar."
258
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:43,392
You said that, Blanche?
259
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:45,394
I won't go if you
don't want me to,
260
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,129
but I do want to go, so can I?
261
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:49,165
Would your mother
let you go? No.
262
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:52,468
Then go. Thank you.
263
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:55,872
You're the best.
I'll see y'all later.
264
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:59,508
Oh, isn't she something?
I'm really proud of her.
265
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:02,778
Now, if I could just manage to
rope myself a doctor that easily.
266
00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:06,804
Honey, I don't think there's
enough sugar left in the bowl.
267
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,886
Angela, that was the best
meal I've ever had in my life.
268
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,256
Well, how good could it
have been? You left half of it.
269
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,956
I ate every bite.
270
00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:17,193
Well, there's some sauce
left. If you really liked it,
271
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:19,662
you'd take a hunk of that
bread and sop it all up.
272
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:22,198
You can afford
it. Oh, no, I can't.
273
00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:24,700
I've put on a few pounds.
You just haven't noticed.
274
00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:27,637
What am I? Blind?
275
00:15:27,661 --> 00:15:30,706
I can see that. I
meant the bread.
276
00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:33,676
You can afford the bread.
It's only 89 cents a loaf.
277
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,345
Angela, why don't you
sit down? I'll serve dessert.
278
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,647
Gosh, you two made
such a fantastic meal,
279
00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:41,083
I can't imagine what you
came up with for dessert.
280
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,674
I made dessert. Damn!
281
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:49,580
What'd you say,
Blanche? Yum. I said yum.
282
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:55,631
Rose, is this another one of those
Scandinavian Viking concoctions?
283
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:57,466
Yes.
284
00:15:57,490 --> 00:16:00,925
It's called
genurkenflurken cake.
285
00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:06,475
It's an ancient recipe,
but I Americanized it.
286
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:11,414
So one might say you brought
geflurkenurken into the '80s?
287
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:15,973
Yes, but I'm not one to
blow my own vertubenflugen.
288
00:16:18,444 --> 00:16:20,811
I can't even reach mine.
289
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:30,633
So, Sophia, have you all had a
chance to catch up on old times?
290
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:34,470
Yeah, Angela filled me in on how all my
friends and family back home are doing.
291
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:37,628
How is everybody, Angela? Dead.
292
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,876
Angela and I are the only
two left of the original family.
293
00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:45,314
That's terrible, Angela. Does that
mean you're all alone back in Sicily?
294
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:48,417
Oh, no. I have a goat.
295
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:52,321
It's really a shame you and Ma
don't live closer to each other.
296
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:55,257
Dorothy is right. How
many years do we have left?
297
00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:59,328
20, 30? We should
live in the same town.
298
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,797
You wanna come back to
that little village in Sicily?
299
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:05,801
Please, do I look like a woman
who beats her laundry on a rock?
300
00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:07,837
I meant you should
move here to Miami.
301
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:10,406
Oh, that's a great idea.
Angela, you would love Miami.
302
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,774
Aunt Angela, what do
you say? Oh, I don't know.
303
00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:16,445
I'm too old to pick up and
move to a strange country.
304
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,447
What are you talking about?
Before your husband died,
305
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:21,583
you lived here for 30
years. I don't know.
306
00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:23,885
Oh, come on, honey.
Now, just think about it.
307
00:17:23,909 --> 00:17:27,289
Who would you rather live
with? Your sister or a goat?
308
00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:29,647
Give me a minute.
309
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,364
Cousin Rose? Cousin Sven!
310
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:36,899
Oh!
311
00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:41,337
Oh, let me look at you!
Boy, have you grown!
312
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:43,572
We've never met.
313
00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:47,543
But admit it, you have grown.
314
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:51,647
Uh, Rose, could you
introduce Blanche and me?
315
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:54,049
Of course. Dorothy,
this is Blanche.
316
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:57,086
Blanche, this is Dorothy.
317
00:17:57,110 --> 00:18:00,122
We have jokes like that
around here all the time.
318
00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:03,526
It's like living in a house
full of Howie Mandels.
319
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:05,894
Sven, I'm Dorothy. Hello.
320
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,431
And I'm Blanche.
Welcome. Thank you.
321
00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:10,699
Rose tells us you're
getting married.
322
00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:13,468
Yes, and I hope I'm good at it.
323
00:18:13,492 --> 00:18:15,771
I don't have that much
experience with women.
324
00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:18,374
A big, strong,
handsome thing like you?
325
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:20,609
Get out of here.
326
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:23,546
Well, it was nice
meeting all of you.
327
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:26,871
No! That was an
expression, Sven.
328
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:31,786
You know, I never
thought I'd say this,
329
00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:35,079
but I think Rose got
the brains in that family.
330
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:40,762
Listen, let's make a pact. If
we decide to keep this house,
331
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:44,032
we're gonna limit the number of
relatives that get to come to visit.
332
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:45,834
(knock at door)
333
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:49,071
I wonder who that could
be. I'm sure it's no one.
334
00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:52,341
Hi, it's me, Stan. See?
What did I tell you?
335
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:55,010
Stanley, what do you
want? I need to borrow a car.
336
00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:56,345
No.
337
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,713
Doesn't anybody want to know
why I need to borrow a car?
338
00:18:58,737 --> 00:19:01,150
(all) No. Fine, fine.
339
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:04,153
I know when I'm not wanted.
Is anybody eating that?
340
00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:07,022
All right, Stanley. Why do
you want to borrow the car?
341
00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:10,759
Ah! I am involved in a
new business venture.
342
00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:12,995
Stan's Pizzas.
343
00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:16,966
The gimmick is I can deliver a pizza
faster to your house than Domino's.
344
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,901
There's only one problem. What?
345
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:22,771
It's impossible. I
cracked up my car trying.
346
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:27,109
So the reason you want to use
our car is so you can deliver pizzas?
347
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:30,746
No. Actually, what I would really
like for you girls to do is be my drivers.
348
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:34,583
I belong in the front office
- supervising, franchising,
349
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:37,341
teasing the high-school
girls that work for me.
350
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,390
I sense I may
have just lost you.
351
00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:43,692
Ah, what the hell. I'm
out of the pizza business.
352
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:45,327
Is there anything else to eat?
353
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:49,265
Stanley, why do you always end
up here when you have a problem?
354
00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:52,668
You're my best friends.
But we don't like you.
355
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,004
I know, but you're
still my best friends.
356
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:57,672
Well, you can't depend on
coming around here forever.
357
00:19:57,696 --> 00:20:00,543
Blanche is thinking
about selling the house.
358
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:03,311
Selling our house?
359
00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:05,748
You can't be serious.
We've had great times here.
360
00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:09,885
We have had great times
here. You've just had free food.
361
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,153
That is not true.
362
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:14,557
We've had a million
laughs under this roof.
363
00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:19,161
Do you... Do you remember
the time I came over?
364
00:20:19,185 --> 00:20:21,230
Dorothy, I know it's been a
while, but try to control yourself.
365
00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:23,254
I need some rest.
366
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:28,537
What the hell is that for? You're
not getting into this bed, Stanley.
367
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:31,406
Then where am I supposed to
sleep? On the floor, like any dog.
368
00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:34,610
Fine. Just fine.
369
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,678
Stan Zbornak doesn't have to
beg a woman to get into bed.
370
00:20:36,702 --> 00:20:38,380
Women come to me.
371
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:41,572
Yeah, right after they get the
approval number on your MasterCard.
372
00:20:44,343 --> 00:20:47,211
Good night. Oh, shut up.
373
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,255
(Stanley laughs)
374
00:21:02,628 --> 00:21:04,940
Stanley, if you're doing
what I think you're doing,
375
00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:07,565
you're in big trouble.
376
00:21:11,637 --> 00:21:14,216
I was just remembering
377
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,151
the first time you ever
kicked me out of bed
378
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:17,620
and I had to sleep on the floor.
379
00:21:17,644 --> 00:21:22,057
Emile Zundt's Hidden Honeymoon
Hideaway in the Poconos.
380
00:21:22,081 --> 00:21:25,227
"Where every cottage
is April in Paris."
381
00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:27,663
And every bathroom,
Calcutta in July.
382
00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:29,198
(Stanley chuckles)
383
00:21:29,222 --> 00:21:32,901
Do you remember how I convinced
you to let me back into bed?
384
00:21:32,925 --> 00:21:34,936
No.
385
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:42,010
♪ I've got a crush
on you ♪ Sweetie pie
386
00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:47,616
♪ All the day and
nighttime ♪ Hear me sigh
387
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,753
Oh, Stanley Zbornak, I don't
believe that you're trying to charm me.
388
00:21:50,777 --> 00:21:54,489
Is it working? I don't think so.
389
00:21:54,513 --> 00:21:56,758
Then you leave me no choice.
I'll have to pull out the big gun.
390
00:21:56,782 --> 00:21:58,660
You're wasting
your time, Stanley.
391
00:21:58,684 --> 00:22:01,351
I'm familiar with the big gun.
392
00:22:05,925 --> 00:22:07,936
Here goes.
393
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:15,644
♪ Embrace me ♪ My
sweet, embraceable you
394
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:21,450
♪ Embrace me ♪
You irreplaceable you
395
00:22:21,474 --> 00:22:25,754
Dorothy! Dorothy, I just
had a terrible nightmare.
396
00:22:25,778 --> 00:22:27,056
Ma, what was it?
397
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:28,812
This.
398
00:22:30,282 --> 00:22:32,294
Break it up.
399
00:22:32,318 --> 00:22:35,897
Stanley, think of me
as the Berlin Wall.
400
00:22:35,921 --> 00:22:37,832
Try to climb over me,
401
00:22:37,856 --> 00:22:42,437
and you'll know what barbed
wire between your legs feels like.
402
00:22:42,461 --> 00:22:44,906
Gotcha.
403
00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:47,343
Dorothy, how did
this start? Cole Porter?
404
00:22:47,367 --> 00:22:49,344
Gershwin.
405
00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:52,303
Thank God I came in time.
406
00:22:55,675 --> 00:22:58,353
We've certainly had some
good times, haven't we, girls?
407
00:22:58,377 --> 00:23:00,722
Yes, we have, and
we'd like to have more,
408
00:23:00,746 --> 00:23:03,347
so would you please
leave, Stanley?
409
00:23:05,084 --> 00:23:06,795
Girls, I've made a decision.
410
00:23:06,819 --> 00:23:08,997
What is it, Blanche?
(phone rings)
411
00:23:09,021 --> 00:23:11,533
There are just too many
precious memories in this house.
412
00:23:11,557 --> 00:23:15,137
I'm not about to trade them
in for a few lousy dollars.
413
00:23:15,161 --> 00:23:17,606
It's Yakamora. He's
doubled his offer.
414
00:23:17,630 --> 00:23:19,996
Tell him we'll be out
by the first of the month.
415
00:24:12,652 --> 00:24:16,966
♪ Thank you for being a friend
416
00:24:16,990 --> 00:24:19,523
♪ Traveled down the
road and back again
417
00:24:20,994 --> 00:24:22,438
♪ Your heart is true
418
00:24:22,462 --> 00:24:27,376
♪ You're a pal and a confidante
419
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:30,445
♪ And if you threw a party
420
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:34,071
♪ Invited everyone you knew
421
00:24:35,808 --> 00:24:37,586
♪ You would see
422
00:24:37,610 --> 00:24:40,255
♪ The biggest gift
would be from me
423
00:24:40,279 --> 00:24:42,191
♪ And the card
attached would say
424
00:24:42,215 --> 00:24:47,818
♪ "Thank you for
being a friend" ♪
425
00:25:11,543 --> 00:25:14,289
Couldn't sleep either,
Dorothy? No, Rose.
426
00:25:14,313 --> 00:25:17,793
Are you upset because Blanche is gonna
sell the house and we can't live together?
427
00:25:17,817 --> 00:25:22,219
No, I'm upset because Joe Piscopo
didn't get the lead role in Rain Man.
428
00:25:23,423 --> 00:25:26,023
Oh, of course I'm
upset about the house.
429
00:25:27,994 --> 00:25:30,873
Ma, it's 2am. Where
have you been?
430
00:25:30,897 --> 00:25:32,774
I stuffed pillows
under the sheets
431
00:25:32,798 --> 00:25:34,776
so I could fool you
during bed check.
432
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,279
What is this, Stalag 17?
433
00:25:37,303 --> 00:25:40,215
I went for a walk. I couldn't
sleep. I had a nightmare.
434
00:25:40,239 --> 00:25:43,419
Tell me about it, Sophia.
Sometimes I can interpret dreams.
435
00:25:43,443 --> 00:25:47,156
Blanche sold the house and I
wound up back at Shady Pines.
436
00:25:47,180 --> 00:25:48,557
Hmm.
437
00:25:48,581 --> 00:25:50,759
This is a tough one.
438
00:25:50,783 --> 00:25:53,495
Dorothy, please don't send me
back. Ma, I am not sending you
439
00:25:53,519 --> 00:25:55,497
back to Shady Pines.
440
00:25:55,521 --> 00:25:59,033
Oh, my God! She
found a cheaper home.
441
00:25:59,057 --> 00:26:03,172
Blanche, please, please
don't sell the house.
442
00:26:03,196 --> 00:26:06,909
What the hell is that
holding up your stockings?
443
00:26:06,933 --> 00:26:09,778
Get out of there. Girls, listen.
444
00:26:09,802 --> 00:26:12,514
I know I told Mr. Yakamora
that I'd sell him the house,
445
00:26:12,538 --> 00:26:15,617
but I just don't think it's fair to
make that decision by myself now.
446
00:26:15,641 --> 00:26:18,253
Give me some advice.
Just tell me what to do.
447
00:26:18,277 --> 00:26:20,021
Well, it's your house, Blanche.
448
00:26:20,045 --> 00:26:21,990
You have to make
your own decision.
449
00:26:22,014 --> 00:26:24,293
Since when have
you all been so shy?
450
00:26:24,317 --> 00:26:26,817
We always tell each
other what to do.
451
00:26:28,387 --> 00:26:30,399
Honey, are you
all right? I'll be fine.
452
00:26:30,423 --> 00:26:33,001
Is this about
Arnie? No, Blanche.
453
00:26:33,025 --> 00:26:36,126
She's upset because they
keep changing the taste of Coke.
454
00:26:43,002 --> 00:26:45,147
Arnie wants me
to go away with him
455
00:26:45,171 --> 00:26:47,149
on a cruise to the Bahamas.
456
00:26:47,173 --> 00:26:48,817
Oh.
457
00:26:48,841 --> 00:26:52,208
Oh, and you're upset because
he wants you to pay your own way?
458
00:26:54,147 --> 00:26:57,426
I'm upset because
we'll be all alone.
459
00:26:57,450 --> 00:27:00,095
In the middle of the
ocean. On a ship.
460
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:03,253
In a stateroom. With a bed.
461
00:27:04,756 --> 00:27:06,268
Oh.
462
00:27:06,292 --> 00:27:08,670
I don't know what to do.
463
00:27:08,694 --> 00:27:12,774
I haven't... been with a man
464
00:27:12,798 --> 00:27:15,811
in that special way
since Charlie died.
465
00:27:15,835 --> 00:27:18,401
Get out of here!
466
00:27:20,739 --> 00:27:24,286
It's true. Charlie was
the only lover I ever had.
467
00:27:24,310 --> 00:27:26,822
And my first time was
on our wedding night.
468
00:27:26,846 --> 00:27:29,791
Get out of here!
469
00:27:29,815 --> 00:27:31,727
Oh, back off, Blanche.
470
00:27:31,751 --> 00:27:35,519
Not all of us are classified
by the Navy as a friendly port.
471
00:27:38,958 --> 00:27:42,971
Maybe it sounds strange
but, without Charlie,
472
00:27:42,995 --> 00:27:45,173
I thought that part
of my life was over.
473
00:27:45,197 --> 00:27:46,941
I never gave it a
second thought.
474
00:27:46,965 --> 00:27:49,244
Until now?
475
00:27:49,268 --> 00:27:51,246
Then I think you
should go on the cruise.
476
00:27:51,270 --> 00:27:53,849
Honey, if the situation
is right, you'll know it.
477
00:27:53,873 --> 00:27:55,717
But I'm not sure I'm ready.
478
00:27:55,741 --> 00:27:58,419
Oh, honey, I know what
you're going through.
479
00:27:58,443 --> 00:28:01,356
The bottom line is, if
you take a chance in life,
480
00:28:01,380 --> 00:28:04,626
sometimes good things happen,
sometimes bad things happen.
481
00:28:04,650 --> 00:28:07,918
But, honey, if you don't take
a chance, nothing happens.
482
00:28:10,088 --> 00:28:11,500
I'm gonna take a chance.
483
00:28:11,524 --> 00:28:14,236
Oh, that's wonderful!
Oh, great, Rose!
484
00:28:14,260 --> 00:28:15,870
Oh, I have to look in my closet.
485
00:28:15,894 --> 00:28:18,640
I don't even know what to wear
for the first night on the ship.
486
00:28:18,664 --> 00:28:21,498
A life jacket and
a great big smile.
487
00:28:24,703 --> 00:28:27,082
Gee, I wonder what
Rose is doing right now.
488
00:28:27,106 --> 00:28:30,953
You mean, you wonder
if she's doing it right now.
489
00:28:30,977 --> 00:28:34,690
No, I just wonder if maybe we
didn't push her into something too fast.
490
00:28:34,714 --> 00:28:36,858
What I can't understand
is how in the world
491
00:28:36,882 --> 00:28:40,261
she managed to wait 15 years.
492
00:28:40,285 --> 00:28:42,798
How long did you
wait after George died?
493
00:28:42,822 --> 00:28:45,922
Till the paramedics came. Ma!
494
00:28:53,833 --> 00:28:57,279
What about you, Dorothy?
Who was the first after Stan, hm?
495
00:28:57,303 --> 00:28:58,813
Blanche.
496
00:28:58,837 --> 00:29:02,150
Her divorce lawyer.
How did you know?
497
00:29:02,174 --> 00:29:05,353
It's always the divorce lawyer.
498
00:29:05,377 --> 00:29:07,355
Oh, it was a
terrible time for me.
499
00:29:07,379 --> 00:29:09,991
You know, I'd gone on an
eating binge when Stan left
500
00:29:10,015 --> 00:29:11,659
and I put on quite
a bit of weight.
501
00:29:11,683 --> 00:29:13,962
Plus, I was not a 20-year-old.
502
00:29:13,986 --> 00:29:16,331
You know, when you're
20, no matter what you do,
503
00:29:16,355 --> 00:29:20,001
everything stays
where it's supposed to.
504
00:29:20,025 --> 00:29:21,669
Now when you lean over,
505
00:29:21,693 --> 00:29:25,863
it looks like somebody's
let the air out of your face.
506
00:29:27,366 --> 00:29:29,311
What?
507
00:29:29,335 --> 00:29:32,547
Honey, lean over a mirror some
time and take a look at yourself.
508
00:29:32,571 --> 00:29:35,182
Where's a mirror? There's
one in the tool drawer.
509
00:29:35,206 --> 00:29:38,720
I think you'd better take a
sedative before you look.
510
00:29:38,744 --> 00:29:41,657
Don't be silly. I look
at my face all the time.
511
00:29:41,681 --> 00:29:43,959
How different could
it be leaning over?
512
00:29:43,983 --> 00:29:46,795
Oh, my God!
513
00:29:46,819 --> 00:29:48,463
Oh, my God, Dorothy,
514
00:29:48,487 --> 00:29:51,667
why didn't you tell
me about this before?
515
00:29:51,691 --> 00:29:54,435
Only on your back, Blanche.
516
00:29:54,459 --> 00:29:56,437
That way everything slides back
517
00:29:56,461 --> 00:30:00,609
and you look like
you just had a face lift.
518
00:30:00,633 --> 00:30:04,045
Oh, you're right. I'm gorgeous.
519
00:30:04,069 --> 00:30:07,582
I'm gonna have to
meet men lying down.
520
00:30:07,606 --> 00:30:10,407
I thought you did.
521
00:30:12,345 --> 00:30:16,023
Of course, that way, not
only does your face fall back
522
00:30:16,047 --> 00:30:19,527
but your chest does too.
523
00:30:19,551 --> 00:30:24,054
Unfortunately, it falls
back and off to the side.
524
00:30:28,494 --> 00:30:31,640
Well, it's too late to do anything until
morning. We might as well get some sleep.
525
00:30:31,664 --> 00:30:34,209
I can't sleep. I'm
wound up tighter
526
00:30:34,233 --> 00:30:36,445
than the girdle on a
Baptist minister's wife
527
00:30:36,469 --> 00:30:39,848
at an all-you-can-eat
pancake breakfast.
528
00:30:39,872 --> 00:30:42,405
Wow, that's tight.
529
00:30:43,609 --> 00:30:45,620
Back in St. Olaf,
when I couldn't sleep,
530
00:30:45,644 --> 00:30:49,891
I'd get into my pajamas and
have a nice glass of warm milk
531
00:30:49,915 --> 00:30:51,792
and slip under the covers
532
00:30:51,816 --> 00:30:54,730
and count cows
jumping over my bed.
533
00:30:54,754 --> 00:30:56,965
It'd usually work like a charm,
534
00:30:56,989 --> 00:30:59,133
except every once in a
while there'd be a cow
535
00:30:59,157 --> 00:31:00,902
with a particularly low udder
536
00:31:00,926 --> 00:31:05,273
and it would brush across
my forehead and wake me up.
537
00:31:05,297 --> 00:31:07,709
I just don't know
what I'm gonna do.
538
00:31:07,733 --> 00:31:10,278
I'm just torn and confused.
539
00:31:10,302 --> 00:31:12,714
Guess I'll have to think
about it all tomorrow.
540
00:31:12,738 --> 00:31:14,983
After all, tomorrow
is another day.
541
00:31:15,007 --> 00:31:18,453
Calm down, Scarlett. There's
no need to be so dramatic.
542
00:31:18,477 --> 00:31:21,990
Please. She can't help it. Everyone
around here acts like a ham.
543
00:31:22,014 --> 00:31:23,992
There's been more bad acting,
544
00:31:24,016 --> 00:31:26,227
bad dancing and bad
singing under this roof
545
00:31:26,251 --> 00:31:28,229
than a Suzanne Somers Special.
546
00:31:28,253 --> 00:31:30,654
(♪ jaunty piano music)
547
00:31:38,063 --> 00:31:39,897
Rose!
548
00:31:44,236 --> 00:31:46,069
Blanche!
549
00:31:49,575 --> 00:31:50,952
Dorothy!
550
00:31:50,976 --> 00:31:53,410
Go, Dorothy, go!
551
00:32:03,122 --> 00:32:06,823
Gosh, I didn't realize
how long Dorothy's solo is.
552
00:32:08,460 --> 00:32:12,129
I sure hope the doctor
says she's gonna be all right.
553
00:32:21,473 --> 00:32:24,352
I won't dance. Don't ask me.
554
00:32:24,376 --> 00:32:26,754
Pay attention.
You're in for a treat.
555
00:32:26,778 --> 00:32:28,857
Oh, Ma, not another act!
556
00:32:28,881 --> 00:32:31,326
No, Dorothy, not just
another act - the act.
557
00:32:31,350 --> 00:32:35,752
I've taken a classic and
reworked it Sophia style.
558
00:32:37,256 --> 00:32:39,967
(♪ "Thanks for the Memories")
559
00:32:39,991 --> 00:32:42,960
♪ Thanks for the medicare
560
00:32:45,264 --> 00:32:48,242
♪ For Blue Cross and Blue Shield
561
00:32:48,266 --> 00:32:51,613
♪ For a hip that finally healed
562
00:32:51,637 --> 00:32:53,882
♪ Remember on prescriptions
563
00:32:53,906 --> 00:32:56,217
♪ Generic is a steal
564
00:32:56,241 --> 00:33:00,743
♪ We thank you so much ♪
565
00:33:06,519 --> 00:33:08,863
OK, what do you think?
Now, don't hold back.
566
00:33:08,887 --> 00:33:11,421
I can take the criticism.
567
00:33:14,559 --> 00:33:16,805
Depressing.
568
00:33:16,829 --> 00:33:20,007
Awful.
569
00:33:20,031 --> 00:33:23,544
Stinky.
570
00:33:23,568 --> 00:33:26,269
Go to hell, all of you!
571
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,020
I will not have that
filthy beast in my house.
572
00:33:32,044 --> 00:33:33,821
It belongs in a barnyard.
573
00:33:33,845 --> 00:33:36,057
This is not a farm chicken.
574
00:33:36,081 --> 00:33:40,095
Count Bessie is a show-biz
chicken. Wait till you see this.
575
00:33:40,119 --> 00:33:43,865
A show-biz chicken. What
does she do? Play the piano?
576
00:33:43,889 --> 00:33:46,690
She plays the piano.
577
00:33:50,062 --> 00:33:52,807
You just wait till you see this.
578
00:33:52,831 --> 00:33:55,477
OK, honey, come
on. It's showtime.
579
00:33:55,501 --> 00:33:58,546
Yeah, come on,
sweetheart. Oh, I know.
580
00:33:58,570 --> 00:34:00,482
I know. Here we go.
581
00:34:00,506 --> 00:34:02,684
OK, Count, hit it!
582
00:34:02,708 --> 00:34:05,442
(♪ "Old MacDonald Had a Farm")
583
00:34:09,380 --> 00:34:10,992
Isn't she incredible?
584
00:34:11,016 --> 00:34:13,194
What do you say,
girls? Can she stay?
585
00:34:13,218 --> 00:34:16,130
I guess so. All
right. Oh, thank you.
586
00:34:16,154 --> 00:34:19,401
Just be sure to keep
her in her cage. Oh.
587
00:34:19,425 --> 00:34:21,403
Maybe I can convince the count
588
00:34:21,427 --> 00:34:24,439
to give us some live
entertainment with dessert.
589
00:34:24,463 --> 00:34:26,207
Have you any requests?
590
00:34:26,231 --> 00:34:28,799
How about "Bye Bye Birdie"?
591
00:34:30,302 --> 00:34:33,669
Girls! Girls, Count
Bessie is missing.
592
00:34:35,540 --> 00:34:38,887
I went out to the garage to
feed her and her cage was empty.
593
00:34:38,911 --> 00:34:41,344
Where could she be?
594
00:34:57,996 --> 00:35:00,564
Aunt Angela...
595
00:35:02,534 --> 00:35:04,746
Where did you get this chicken?
596
00:35:04,770 --> 00:35:07,136
(Aunt Angela) The garage.
597
00:35:08,674 --> 00:35:13,410
I guess this means no live
entertainment with dessert.
598
00:35:18,884 --> 00:35:21,629
(Blanche) Oh, hello, there.
How'd you do? We came in second.
599
00:35:21,653 --> 00:35:23,898
Oh, that's terrific.
What'd you get?
600
00:35:23,922 --> 00:35:26,467
Treated badly.
601
00:35:26,491 --> 00:35:28,236
They told us to
get out of the way
602
00:35:28,260 --> 00:35:30,305
when they took the winner's
picture with Anita Bryant.
603
00:35:30,329 --> 00:35:33,975
Oh, what do those old judges
know? I'd love to hear your song.
604
00:35:33,999 --> 00:35:36,011
Oh, forget it, Blanche. Please.
605
00:35:36,035 --> 00:35:38,880
Oh, no. The whole experience
was too painful. Please.
606
00:35:38,904 --> 00:35:40,949
We want to put it out
of our minds. Please.
607
00:35:40,973 --> 00:35:42,973
Hit it, Rose.
608
00:35:49,348 --> 00:35:52,426
♪ I have to say what I feel
609
00:35:52,450 --> 00:35:55,964
♪ Miami has so much appeal
610
00:35:55,988 --> 00:36:00,902
♪ A great place to
get a seafood meal
611
00:36:00,926 --> 00:36:05,395
♪ Miami
612
00:36:07,299 --> 00:36:12,646
♪ Miami, Miami
♪ You've got style
613
00:36:12,670 --> 00:36:16,851
♪ Blue skies, sunshine,
white sand by the mile
614
00:36:16,875 --> 00:36:19,187
♪ When you live in this town
615
00:36:19,211 --> 00:36:21,389
♪ Each day is sublime
616
00:36:21,413 --> 00:36:23,757
♪ The coldest of winters
617
00:36:23,781 --> 00:36:28,830
♪ Are warm and
divine ♪ Miami, Miami
618
00:36:28,854 --> 00:36:31,066
♪ You've got style
619
00:36:31,090 --> 00:36:34,936
♪ Blue skies, sunshine,
white sand by the mile
620
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:37,505
Hit it! ♪ There's ball
clubs and nightclubs
621
00:36:37,529 --> 00:36:39,006
♪ All within reach
622
00:36:39,030 --> 00:36:41,709
♪ Dance the samba till morning
623
00:36:41,733 --> 00:36:43,778
♪ Then lie on the beach
624
00:36:43,802 --> 00:36:46,081
♪ Each view is a postcard
625
00:36:46,105 --> 00:36:48,282
♪ Each day a great
time Going home!
626
00:36:48,306 --> 00:36:52,520
♪ The cream of the
crop, it's the top of the line
627
00:36:52,544 --> 00:36:57,358
♪ Miami, Miami
♪ You've got style
628
00:36:57,382 --> 00:37:01,162
♪ Blue skies, sunshine,
white sand by the mile
629
00:37:01,186 --> 00:37:09,159
♪ Miami ♪ You've got style ♪
630
00:37:21,507 --> 00:37:24,952
Look, you're all confused and
upset about this house business.
631
00:37:24,976 --> 00:37:27,622
There's only one thing you
can do. What is that, Sophia?
632
00:37:27,646 --> 00:37:30,558
Take the advice of
a wise old Sicilian.
633
00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:33,695
You, Sophia? No. Charlie Callas.
634
00:37:33,719 --> 00:37:36,063
Many years ago, my
father had a similar problem
635
00:37:36,087 --> 00:37:37,632
when he was selling real estate.
636
00:37:37,656 --> 00:37:40,702
I didn't know that Grandpa
ever owned any real estate.
637
00:37:40,726 --> 00:37:42,604
He didn't. That was the problem.
638
00:37:42,628 --> 00:37:46,775
You see, it turned out he
really didn't own the Vatican.
639
00:37:46,799 --> 00:37:49,577
Although he did have
a very close friend
640
00:37:49,601 --> 00:37:51,445
who swore he was there
641
00:37:51,469 --> 00:37:53,848
the night Pop won the
deed in a card game
642
00:37:53,872 --> 00:37:56,384
from Pope Ronnie
the Magnificent.
643
00:37:56,408 --> 00:37:59,053
Sophia, you're not
making any sense.
644
00:37:59,077 --> 00:38:02,924
Excuse me, Mrs.
Kierkegaard, it's 4am.
645
00:38:02,948 --> 00:38:05,460
Ma, is there a point to this?
646
00:38:05,484 --> 00:38:07,294
And if there wasn't,
what are you gonna do?
647
00:38:07,318 --> 00:38:10,631
Put decorative bars on my
window? Yes, there is a point.
648
00:38:10,655 --> 00:38:14,068
If you're gonna sell real
estate, make sure you own it.
649
00:38:14,092 --> 00:38:17,738
Sophia, I do own this house. Oh.
650
00:38:17,762 --> 00:38:19,507
Is anybody else hungry?
651
00:38:19,531 --> 00:38:22,143
Now that you mention it, I
could really go for a pizza.
652
00:38:22,167 --> 00:38:23,877
I've been thinking
about Chinese.
653
00:38:23,901 --> 00:38:25,879
I could go for a
burger and fries.
654
00:38:25,903 --> 00:38:29,651
Why don't we order it all?
Oh, Sophia, that'd be crazy.
655
00:38:29,675 --> 00:38:31,852
So, this would be the
first time we did something
656
00:38:31,876 --> 00:38:34,711
a little out of the
ordinary around here?
657
00:38:37,649 --> 00:38:40,027
Ma, thank God you're here.
658
00:38:40,051 --> 00:38:44,799
Arrested for prostitution.
I can't believe it.
659
00:38:44,823 --> 00:38:47,468
Sophia, we're
innocent. I know that.
660
00:38:47,492 --> 00:38:48,936
I can't believe these
dumb cops would think
661
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:51,627
anyone would pay
money to sleep with you.
662
00:38:55,434 --> 00:38:58,079
Sophia, did you
come to bail us out?
663
00:38:58,103 --> 00:39:02,917
No, Rose, she's dropping
off a manicotti with a file in it.
664
00:39:02,941 --> 00:39:04,919
Well, girls, we're gonna get to
see Mr. Burt Reynolds after all.
665
00:39:04,943 --> 00:39:07,956
I thought these beautiful tickets
were all gonna go to waste.
666
00:39:07,980 --> 00:39:11,214
So which one of you isn't going?
667
00:39:13,451 --> 00:39:16,497
Well, I'm the one
who won the tickets.
668
00:39:16,521 --> 00:39:18,632
Yeah, well, my mom's the
one who's bailing us out.
669
00:39:18,656 --> 00:39:23,037
I lost Butter Queen.
Haven't I suffered enough?
670
00:39:23,061 --> 00:39:25,306
We'll draw straws. No.
671
00:39:25,330 --> 00:39:26,908
We'll flip a coin. No!
672
00:39:26,932 --> 00:39:29,444
Sophia, we had this all settled.
Now, try and be understanding.
673
00:39:29,468 --> 00:39:32,146
Understanding? I came
down here to bail you out
674
00:39:32,170 --> 00:39:33,781
and you're still
not letting me go?
675
00:39:33,805 --> 00:39:36,951
Ma, will you stop complaining
and get us out of here?
676
00:39:36,975 --> 00:39:39,354
Where are your
roommates, Mrs. Petrillo?
677
00:39:39,378 --> 00:39:41,356
They're not here. Ma!
678
00:39:41,380 --> 00:39:44,213
Don't "Ma" me,
you cheap floozie.
679
00:39:45,917 --> 00:39:48,997
Ma, Ma, you would do this
to your own flesh and blood?
680
00:39:49,021 --> 00:39:52,366
You'll get over it, Dorothy.
And if you don't, who cares?
681
00:39:52,390 --> 00:39:55,458
I'm on my way to
see Burt Reynolds.
682
00:39:58,630 --> 00:40:00,307
And then - you're
gonna love this -
683
00:40:00,331 --> 00:40:03,611
Dom DeLuise takes me by the
arm and insists I tell Burt the story.
684
00:40:03,635 --> 00:40:05,980
Sophia, I don't want to
hear any more about it.
685
00:40:06,004 --> 00:40:07,982
Not even the part
when Burt and Dom
686
00:40:08,006 --> 00:40:10,785
insisted I repeat the
story to Loni Anderson?
687
00:40:10,809 --> 00:40:13,788
That's it. I don't want
to hear another word.
688
00:40:13,812 --> 00:40:15,856
Oh, Cinderella's
back from the ball
689
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:19,249
and her three wicked
roommates are jealous.
690
00:40:21,619 --> 00:40:24,198
We are not jealous,
Ma. We are angry.
691
00:40:24,222 --> 00:40:26,234
You left us sitting in jail.
692
00:40:26,258 --> 00:40:29,303
Hey, I sent over the bail money.
You were out an hour later.
693
00:40:29,327 --> 00:40:31,238
I think that was
just about the time
694
00:40:31,262 --> 00:40:35,009
I was nibbling a giant shrimp
out of Jerry Reed's hand.
695
00:40:35,033 --> 00:40:38,012
You're making this whole
thing up just to rub it in.
696
00:40:38,036 --> 00:40:41,716
You have never met these people.
697
00:40:41,740 --> 00:40:44,919
Jealousy is a very
ugly thing, Dorothy.
698
00:40:44,943 --> 00:40:47,343
And so are you in
anything backless.
699
00:40:50,782 --> 00:40:52,949
(doorbell)
700
00:40:56,254 --> 00:40:58,521
Hello.
701
00:41:14,539 --> 00:41:17,072
Is Sophia around? Oh, hi, Burt.
702
00:41:20,645 --> 00:41:23,257
How about a little lunch? Listen, if
you're buying, how about a big lunch?
703
00:41:23,281 --> 00:41:25,259
Great.
704
00:41:25,283 --> 00:41:28,596
My God, you're
Mr. Burt Reynolds.
705
00:41:28,620 --> 00:41:32,133
I hope so, otherwise I got
the wrong underwear on.
706
00:41:32,157 --> 00:41:34,635
These the roommates
you told me about? Yeah.
707
00:41:34,659 --> 00:41:38,528
Which one's the
slut? (all) I am.
708
00:41:43,668 --> 00:41:47,548
Rose, it is not here!
Look again. It has to be.
709
00:41:47,572 --> 00:41:51,552
Rose, I have read every want
ad in the paper. Mine is not here.
710
00:41:51,576 --> 00:41:54,255
Are you sure you dropped it
off at the newspaper office?
711
00:41:54,279 --> 00:41:57,824
Dorothy, you told me exactly what
you wanted me to do a dozen times.
712
00:41:57,848 --> 00:41:59,327
Any idiot could have done it.
713
00:41:59,351 --> 00:42:03,664
I know, honey, but you were
the only one going downtown.
714
00:42:03,688 --> 00:42:06,333
Are you sure that you dropped
it off at the newspaper office?
715
00:42:06,357 --> 00:42:09,604
Yes! Six people already
called while you were out.
716
00:42:09,628 --> 00:42:12,840
Give that to me. I'll
try and find it for you.
717
00:42:12,864 --> 00:42:14,430
(doorbell)
718
00:42:18,703 --> 00:42:20,848
Dorothy? Have we met?
719
00:42:20,872 --> 00:42:23,785
Not yet. I'm here because
of your ad in the paper:
720
00:42:23,809 --> 00:42:27,155
"Willing to do anything, $8 an
hour, no job too big or small."
721
00:42:27,179 --> 00:42:29,157
Yes, yes, of course.
Please come in.
722
00:42:29,181 --> 00:42:31,725
I'm sorry. I didn't expect
people to actually come here.
723
00:42:31,749 --> 00:42:34,662
I just figured, you know,
that I would be going to them.
724
00:42:34,686 --> 00:42:36,663
That's the way it'll
work in the future,
725
00:42:36,687 --> 00:42:39,467
when my video camera
gets back from the shop.
726
00:42:39,491 --> 00:42:43,638
So tell me, what type of work
is it that you need done, Mr...
727
00:42:43,662 --> 00:42:44,872
Toto. Mr. Toto.
728
00:42:44,896 --> 00:42:47,508
Oh, no "Mr." Just "Toto."
729
00:42:47,532 --> 00:42:50,833
You're Dorothy, and I'm Toto.
730
00:42:54,172 --> 00:42:57,339
At least for the next $8.
731
00:42:59,077 --> 00:43:02,590
Dorothy, you owe me an
apology. Your ad's right here.
732
00:43:02,614 --> 00:43:05,893
Oh, Rose, this is
the personals column.
733
00:43:05,917 --> 00:43:07,461
So what? So what?
734
00:43:07,485 --> 00:43:09,229
You put an ad in
the personals column
735
00:43:09,253 --> 00:43:12,933
that said I will do
anything for $8 an hour?
736
00:43:12,957 --> 00:43:16,036
Oh, look, it's right
under an ad that reads:
737
00:43:16,060 --> 00:43:19,507
"History professor seeking
nonsmoking Oriental woman
738
00:43:19,531 --> 00:43:21,341
who is into Wesson oil
739
00:43:21,365 --> 00:43:26,047
and bears a resemblance
to Florence Henderson."
740
00:43:26,071 --> 00:43:27,982
Is that signed "Doug"? Yes.
741
00:43:28,006 --> 00:43:31,619
I know him. He's a sick man.
742
00:43:31,643 --> 00:43:35,411
I'm terribly sorry for
this mix-up. Goodbye.
743
00:43:37,682 --> 00:43:41,362
Oh, my God, I
don't believe this!
744
00:43:41,386 --> 00:43:45,500
I'm gonna call the cops if you don't
get out of here right away, you pervert!
745
00:43:45,524 --> 00:43:47,501
Hi, Father Rossi.
746
00:43:47,525 --> 00:43:50,838
Here's the canned
goods for the needy.
747
00:43:50,862 --> 00:43:53,674
Oh, no.
748
00:43:53,698 --> 00:43:55,643
Oh, I'm... I'm terribly sorry.
749
00:43:55,667 --> 00:43:57,578
I promise that I
will say Hail Marys
750
00:43:57,602 --> 00:44:00,669
until Madonna has a hit movie.
751
00:44:03,141 --> 00:44:06,120
Hi. Here's my $8. Let's
get started, Dorothy.
752
00:44:06,144 --> 00:44:09,056
Oh, I'm not Dorothy. She is.
753
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:11,814
I'll give you $4.
Let's get started.
754
00:44:13,684 --> 00:44:16,664
How would you like your rear
end kicked across the street?
755
00:44:16,688 --> 00:44:19,488
Oh, great. Here's the other $4.
756
00:44:20,992 --> 00:44:22,370
Girls.
757
00:44:22,394 --> 00:44:27,942
Girls, there is a busload
of Greek sailors out front.
758
00:44:27,966 --> 00:44:32,268
They wanna know how
many drachma there are in $8.
759
00:44:33,638 --> 00:44:36,550
Girls, guess what I found.
760
00:44:36,574 --> 00:44:40,621
Fernando! That's not Fernando.
761
00:44:40,645 --> 00:44:43,624
What do you mean, that's not
Fernando? How could you tell?
762
00:44:43,648 --> 00:44:46,794
All you have to do
is look in his eyes.
763
00:44:46,818 --> 00:44:51,332
Or at the price tag
stuck to his back.
764
00:44:51,356 --> 00:44:54,801
Oops! Thanks
for trying, Blanche.
765
00:44:54,825 --> 00:44:58,594
It's nice to know I have a
friend like you... who cares.
766
00:45:00,665 --> 00:45:03,978
Dorothy, I have a
confession to make.
767
00:45:04,002 --> 00:45:06,079
Rose didn't lose Fernando.
768
00:45:06,103 --> 00:45:09,684
I gave him to Daisy when she was
helping out with the rummage sale.
769
00:45:09,708 --> 00:45:11,685
Well, then there's
no problem, honey.
770
00:45:11,709 --> 00:45:14,221
Just call Daisy and
get Fernando back.
771
00:45:14,245 --> 00:45:16,424
She's a very sweet
kid. She'll understand.
772
00:45:16,448 --> 00:45:19,327
I tried that. She said no.
773
00:45:19,351 --> 00:45:22,462
What do you mean? She's
not a sweet kid anymore.
774
00:45:22,486 --> 00:45:25,766
She's holding
Fernando for ransom.
775
00:45:25,790 --> 00:45:27,368
Come on!
776
00:45:27,392 --> 00:45:30,759
Dorothy, she sent
me one of his ears.
777
00:45:37,335 --> 00:45:38,813
You! Good morning.
778
00:45:38,837 --> 00:45:41,716
Well, kid, what do you
want? I changed my mind.
779
00:45:41,740 --> 00:45:43,718
I was wrong to ask
for all those gifts.
780
00:45:43,742 --> 00:45:46,087
Dorothy, you see? I knew
she'd come to her senses.
781
00:45:46,111 --> 00:45:49,223
I decided cash is better.
782
00:45:49,247 --> 00:45:51,726
That way I can buy
exactly what I want.
783
00:45:51,750 --> 00:45:53,861
I'll get my purse.
784
00:45:53,885 --> 00:45:57,230
No. Blanche, I'm not
gonna let you do that.
785
00:45:57,254 --> 00:45:59,734
I've been doing
a lot of thinking.
786
00:45:59,758 --> 00:46:03,037
If, after all the years of
love and companionship,
787
00:46:03,061 --> 00:46:06,540
Fernando and I are meant to part
company, I'll just have to accept that.
788
00:46:06,564 --> 00:46:10,777
Time to time, life deals
you an unfriendly hand.
789
00:46:10,801 --> 00:46:13,413
There's nothing
you can do about it.
790
00:46:13,437 --> 00:46:16,250
I guess there's a lesson
to be learned here.
791
00:46:16,274 --> 00:46:18,908
Sometimes life
just isn't fair, kiddo.
792
00:46:30,054 --> 00:46:32,466
I cannot talk
about this anymore.
793
00:46:32,490 --> 00:46:35,369
I'm just gonna call Yakamora
and give him my decision.
794
00:46:35,393 --> 00:46:38,005
Go ahead. Make your call.
We'll give you some privacy.
795
00:46:38,029 --> 00:46:41,431
We'll go in the other room.
Come on, Ma. Let's go.
796
00:46:43,467 --> 00:46:45,445
What do you think
she's gonna do?
797
00:46:45,469 --> 00:46:47,714
I think she's gonna sell.
It's just too much money.
798
00:46:47,738 --> 00:46:51,151
Oh, no. Blanche is too
sentimental. I think she's gonna stay.
799
00:46:51,175 --> 00:46:54,488
What do you think,
Ma? Ma! Quiet.
800
00:46:54,512 --> 00:47:00,494
Oh, this is just the operator.
Your phone is working fine.
801
00:47:00,518 --> 00:47:04,231
Ma, what did you hear? You're
never gonna believe what happened.
802
00:47:04,255 --> 00:47:06,233
You are never gonna
believe what happened.
803
00:47:06,257 --> 00:47:08,902
Yakamora decided
not to buy the house.
804
00:47:08,926 --> 00:47:10,537
What happened?
805
00:47:10,561 --> 00:47:13,974
Well, he went on a shopping
spree and he spent all his money.
806
00:47:13,998 --> 00:47:17,244
He bought a department
store in Fort Lauderdale
807
00:47:17,268 --> 00:47:20,981
and a condominium in Orlando,
a baseball team in Tampa,
808
00:47:21,005 --> 00:47:23,851
and I think one of
the Landers sisters.
809
00:47:23,875 --> 00:47:27,020
But what were you gonna tell
him? What if he hadn't backed out?
810
00:47:27,044 --> 00:47:28,856
What difference
does that make now?
811
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:31,726
The important thing is
we're staying together.
812
00:47:31,750 --> 00:47:35,329
You were gonna sell,
weren't you? Damn straight.
813
00:47:35,353 --> 00:47:37,765
But I was not gonna
let it break us up.
814
00:47:37,789 --> 00:47:39,900
We are staying together.
I don't care what happens.
815
00:47:39,924 --> 00:47:44,071
We are family. We are a team.
816
00:47:44,095 --> 00:47:47,163
Come on, everybody, group hug.